you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
