then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
