She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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