I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
