I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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