There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
