Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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