we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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