Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
