She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
