I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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