Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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