yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
