why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
