He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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