I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Randomize
