I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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