for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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