All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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