I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
