i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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