Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
