I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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