I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
