I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Randomize
