i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
