We're facebook friends in real life
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
