and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
