I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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