Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
