So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize