I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
