oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
