I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
