I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
