I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
