Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
