I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
