I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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