I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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