you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
