is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
handjob tips. give me some.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
