I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize