I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
be right there i have to get my cape
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
