I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
