when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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