But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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