I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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