Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
