Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So many bounce houses so little time
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
