May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize