last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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