So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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