he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
