someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
