By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
