so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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