get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
