god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
