I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
