I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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