I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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