last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
