And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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