i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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