last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
