Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
