I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You've changed since you got that strap on
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
