oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
