Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
