her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
