I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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