It was confusing and full of hummus
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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