Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
