i already hear my dad disowning me
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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