I think I won the penis lottery.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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