If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
