i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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