Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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