you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
