What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
