No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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