well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
babies were throwing up all over the place
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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