You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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