Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
